So called love!

love is such a feeling that you lose track of time,you don’t care what others think of you,you start distancing yourself from your loved ones to spend as much time possible with your Only one.

My personal opinion is love is just too much precious,too beautiful,too much exquisite that if a person finds love,he thinks he is the luckiest person alive on earth.he asks himself,”how can i be so lucky?how can i be so happy?Truly god can’t gift me all the beautiful things in this world.”But then there are people who go to heaven without finding their love. 😦 They pass away without experiencing that one special emotion.

I have been lucky enough to experience Love.When i found out ,i didn’t realise that this love will be unique,that even though i want to forget about him,i just can’t.When do you say you have found true love?When you crave for each others honesty,love,understanding & inner beauty.I know i got you confused.I don’t blame you.Everyone has their own definition.He had his own definition too.I asked him & trust me,i was impressed by his definition.It was pretty close to what i had in mind.:-)

We had our ups and downs,mostly because of me.When i saw other people around me,i wanted that kind of happiness from him.That started our quarrel. :-(.I used to write a diary & its full of such incidents.I wanted to gift my diary to him as a farewell gift,i promised myself that i will write all the nice & mushy things,but in turn,scribbled all the feelings & incidents that hurt me.At times,when i read it,i thought,” I can’t gift this.There’s too much shit in this.There’s hardly anything nice.”But other times,i felt he ought to know what troubled me.I did share some of my worst moments with close friends,but nothing could compare to actually breaking down in front him.I would like to mention the name of one of my friends,Divyarth ,who in spite of everything,listened to my boring talks 😛 & always said one thing,”don’t worry,things will turn out good”.He is the one who made sure that i didn’t make a rash decision.He told me things that made me realise that i should cherish the love & sort out differences with the person.But my life was about to take a twist.

We always had time issue,actually he had.So after much consideration,we decided to go on our 3rd outing in Delhi,in all these 4 and a half month relationship.It didn’t turn out the outing i expected,but it was good.My friends taught me one thing,”Don’t expect.”,so i was happy with the flow.But it was the last day i would see him.My parents found out about my life through that diary & i knew,i didn’t have any chance any left.That day changed the course of my life.i am repeating,only my life got changed. 😦

My parents were shocked that i dared falling in love with a guy totally out of my culture.They were more disturbed by the fact,that we started planning our future as well.But my mom said one thing,”What you have written in your diary shows you are serious,but your so called boyfriend doesn’t keep you happy.Are you sure you can spend the rest of your life with him?” i said yes,but trust me,throughout that week of interrogation,my parents realised that i am daring and am ready to stand up for him.Though in doing that,my freedoms got curbed.
But i felt,that maybe my parents are right.why should i stand up for a person who can’t stand up for me,who doesn’t have the courage to even praise me in front everyone else?My life now is limited to home,can’t meet or talk to friends even.But i am sure his life is still going bad luck! his good luck! hmmn :-\

I don’t know but my love was different.If someone asks me did i love him?i will always say yes & did hope to carry this forward but alas!!! 😦 In spite of everything,i still believe in love & its beauty & would pray that everyone falls in love at least once in their life.If your love stays,you are indeed luckiest,if it doesn’t,then just think that you deserve better.
PS:for you girls,don’t sacrifice too much for your love if he can’t do for you will just get hurt later on.
guys!every girl wants to be treated like a princess,but don’t spoil her in doing that.just keep her happy to some extent 🙂 Girls like talking to you and spending time .


Not Meant For Love

when i first saw you
i knew it was only you
instant connection
with no deliberation
we talked for a while
and i made you mine
but forgot to ask you
whether you love me too
though later you say
you love me so true
but i don’t know
my heart fails to get it
even though i want to
there’s little bit regret
did i rush into this?
cause, the way you talked endless
now its just minutes or less
did i do something wrong?
or you, somewhere else, belong?

you don’t speak much
and i got tired of asking you
though i used to
but you never answered
my ego is on the rise
do you really love me right?
is it just physical you seek?
i am not that girl,i am meek
so tell me,do you wish to go forward?
cause,already my time’s wasted
i don’t want to anymore
it would hurt me
more than you know
though i may act ignorant
but you won’t know
what lies in my heart
you never unearthed it
cause,you were too far
you weren’t interested
and i cried hard
why i even met you!
you only talked,when you were bored
where’s the respect,i deserve?
i am much more worth
you don’t realise
i was your first girl
but you aren’t treating her right
if you don’t change
she will go,to the place she is happier
she tried hard to make you come back
but you failed to realise her effort
you aren’t meant for love

white addiction!

flirting with danger,
playing with a gun,
smoking the weed,
making the run,
life’s a poker,
you win,you lose,
taking 1 pot,you know you’ll rule.
why is it so hard to leave?
why is it so enticing?

the smell,so invigorating,
gives me high,
i can’t stop,its the best gift.
i take it,inject it,in my vein,
the room’s swirling within 10 seconds,
just another time,i was about to take,
someone came,took it away.
i struggled,in agony,in pain,
my body’s craving,please i need it.

Next thing i know,
lying on linen sheets,
there’s the drip near my bed.
i opened my eyes to beautiful people around me,
expressions laced with wariness,sadness.
“oh mom! i am so sorry.”
“don’t be honey!”
i felt her arms around me,i cried.

my first mistake made it last one,this addiction!
if only my curiosity didn’t extend to heroin,
i would have been so much happier,
so much at peace!

I Wish

this ballad is the lament of a person who has always been crooked to others,rude,negative…he introspected & later realised his folly.
I think I have lost my being,
I can’t remember where I have been,
Didn’t know, got lost in this feeling,
how can it be?
How can it be?
Did I lose myself to this?
Am I so cold that I don’t have remorse?
Did I indulge in filth?
Am I so, like a stone?
I wish I was dead, I wish I had no guilt,
I wish my sins all get washed,
All I wish is for some good, is for some good,
I believe I have left myself,
I think I don’t deserve to live,
For what I have done I need penance,
Can I get it? It’s my last wish,
How can it be?
How can it be?
Did I lose myself to this?
Am I so cold that I don’t have remorse?
Did I indulge in filth?
Am I so, like a stone?
I wish someone shows me d light, I wish I had an escape road,
I wish I knew what’s right,
All I wish is for some good, is for some good.