Changing Homo Sapien-Me

Hey all

I know I haven’t been a regular in blogging.Well,thanks to my college,it snatched away all my creativity for a month because I had to give a presentation on a project,that refused to work till the end and left us with no alternatives.For those of you,who want to know how did it go,my answer is,surprisingly well. 🙂

Just one more month to go,and I will be officially using the  ‘Er’ tag for an engineer,which is quite the rave these days.My day usually involves searching for jobs,studying for job exams and talking to my friends.The four years of my college went in studying,hangouts with friends & nothing more.I didn’t care much how I looked but when we saw other girls,we were awestruck at their perfection.The girls looked flawless,with the right touch of makeup with apt clothing.

Being in mechanical engineering domain,if a girl wears makeup or looks girly,they are not taken seriously.Even the faculty looks down at you in a way that makes you realize you are worthless in a field dominated by men.What’s the worst part,the males either think,”She looks too pretty to work on that machine.I have to help her.” or “She’s a girl,she will get marks easily.” :-\ Also,my own psych prevented me from experiencing the world of makeup and dresses.I clung onto comfy clothing(Jeans,tees ) with the usual pigtail & sneakers.

Now that I have ample time at home,and also looking forward to a job ambiance,my mother and I think it’s time to don on that ‘look’.I have started looking at video tutorials,reviews of various makeup brands and compiled my own list of must-haves.I went out shopping for affordable cosmetics and returned home victorious.I started testing with them so that I am ready for office look and also for any party.You won’t believe,I looked at those beauties like a child looking at his huge crayon box. 😀

I am shocked that I am becoming into entirely different person.I take care of myself,read about skin care and health and love getting ready for any event. 😛 I don’t know whether this change is good or not,but I like light makeup.Since my skin doesn’t permit such foreign bodies touching me,I cannot experiment so much.Otherwise I am excited to wear that ramp look always . 😉

So all those engineers,doctors and girls from hectic professions,don’t shy away from the world of beauty.You will feel good.




No need to hold on

all the things i said,

all the things you meant,

every belief we had,

was meant to be a degrade;

you want to leave forever,

The door’s wide open,

Shed those last tears,

No more of you here;

All those promises,fake,

your love was just for sake,

learnt my lesson ,

Because you did a treason;

No need to hold on

to you

to your breath

to your smile

to your love

playing is your forte,

you are a great sport,

mind you ,am not weak,

died the girl who was meek;

life isn’t finished yet,

new dreams are set,

last of your remains,

washed away with the rains;

life is more cheery,

i have grown up more,

realized my mistakes,

and moving on forward;

No need to hold on

to you

to your touch

to your care

to your love

I am able to fly higher

you are no more my desire

there’s more to life,

than just petty love;

no need to hold on

to you


Forbidden Fruit

Feeling so intense, never felt this way,

Our eyes meet, heartbeat racing,

You hold me as close ,as tight;

I breathe in your fragrance,

I look up at you, is this all true?

Embracing the warmth, coursing through my body,

You change unreal to real;

How can I possibly bear all?

This amorous relation, so pure,

My heart aches just to see it untitled,

Togetherness is not written on the cards;

We try harder but it won’t last,

I see you slipping away into your world,

Knowing it won’t work;

My love is so strong,

It takes me to where I belong;

Why does it have to be you?

When I know, its forbidden fruit I am biting into

U for understanding & P for people

ImageWe all have that moment when we want people to understand us. We want them to realize the effort we put in, in understanding them. All this at the cost of not revealing anything to them. Our expectations relate to mind readers. Magically,somehow we want them to know what’s going on in our mind, what we feel and stuff like that.

Is this normal? Sometimes we feel its our right to expect all these things. We get angry, we get hurt, a twirl of emotions raging in our mind because of this simple fact. We expect our friend or lover to lend a shoulder when we are feeling low. We want others to analyze us in every way to know us because of the simple truth, that we don’t want to be blunt with them. Telling everything to them, “we want this, we don’t like it”, is like asking for attention all the time.

On a personal note,as a Piscean,considered as mysterious 😉 we just want to connect with that person,who can read our mind. :-D.This was too direct.I meant we just want that person to notice us,our body language,how we act.We may hide our feelings and won’t show it,but its proven worldwide,that  our body language speaks more.So I guess,its not tough to understand the other person,right? Only if we care enough to know that person. 🙂

On the other hand, it is abnormal too ,to expect things from people. Expectations only lead to heartbreak. Instead of waiting for people to read your mind, just be straightforward and tell everything. I know, some people will take this as emotionless- creature- behavior. How can you blurt out ?We should be considerate enough not to hurt that person. But to make them understand you ,its in the best interest to tell everything. Its all about how you present your views.

Personally I feel,we should tell them everything,whatever is plaguing us.And for that to happen,talking infront is the best option.Atleast through that way,we may see how they react to us.Talking over phone or texts,is a pretence.You never actually know what the other person is feeling . 😦

So called love!

love is such a feeling that you lose track of time,you don’t care what others think of you,you start distancing yourself from your loved ones to spend as much time possible with your Only one.

My personal opinion is love is just too much precious,too beautiful,too much exquisite that if a person finds love,he thinks he is the luckiest person alive on earth.he asks himself,”how can i be so lucky?how can i be so happy?Truly god can’t gift me all the beautiful things in this world.”But then there are people who go to heaven without finding their love. 😦 They pass away without experiencing that one special emotion.

I have been lucky enough to experience Love.When i found out ,i didn’t realise that this love will be unique,that even though i want to forget about him,i just can’t.When do you say you have found true love?When you crave for each others honesty,love,understanding & inner beauty.I know i got you confused.I don’t blame you.Everyone has their own definition.He had his own definition too.I asked him & trust me,i was impressed by his definition.It was pretty close to what i had in mind.:-)

We had our ups and downs,mostly because of me.When i saw other people around me,i wanted that kind of happiness from him.That started our quarrel. :-(.I used to write a diary & its full of such incidents.I wanted to gift my diary to him as a farewell gift,i promised myself that i will write all the nice & mushy things,but in turn,scribbled all the feelings & incidents that hurt me.At times,when i read it,i thought,” I can’t gift this.There’s too much shit in this.There’s hardly anything nice.”But other times,i felt he ought to know what troubled me.I did share some of my worst moments with close friends,but nothing could compare to actually breaking down in front him.I would like to mention the name of one of my friends,Divyarth ,who in spite of everything,listened to my boring talks 😛 & always said one thing,”don’t worry,things will turn out good”.He is the one who made sure that i didn’t make a rash decision.He told me things that made me realise that i should cherish the love & sort out differences with the person.But my life was about to take a twist.

We always had time issue,actually he had.So after much consideration,we decided to go on our 3rd outing in Delhi,in all these 4 and a half month relationship.It didn’t turn out the outing i expected,but it was good.My friends taught me one thing,”Don’t expect.”,so i was happy with the flow.But it was the last day i would see him.My parents found out about my life through that diary & i knew,i didn’t have any chance any left.That day changed the course of my life.i am repeating,only my life got changed. 😦

My parents were shocked that i dared falling in love with a guy totally out of my culture.They were more disturbed by the fact,that we started planning our future as well.But my mom said one thing,”What you have written in your diary shows you are serious,but your so called boyfriend doesn’t keep you happy.Are you sure you can spend the rest of your life with him?” i said yes,but trust me,throughout that week of interrogation,my parents realised that i am daring and am ready to stand up for him.Though in doing that,my freedoms got curbed.
But i felt,that maybe my parents are right.why should i stand up for a person who can’t stand up for me,who doesn’t have the courage to even praise me in front everyone else?My life now is limited to home,can’t meet or talk to friends even.But i am sure his life is still going bad luck! his good luck! hmmn :-\

I don’t know but my love was different.If someone asks me did i love him?i will always say yes & did hope to carry this forward but alas!!! 😦 In spite of everything,i still believe in love & its beauty & would pray that everyone falls in love at least once in their life.If your love stays,you are indeed luckiest,if it doesn’t,then just think that you deserve better.
PS:for you girls,don’t sacrifice too much for your love if he can’t do for you will just get hurt later on.
guys!every girl wants to be treated like a princess,but don’t spoil her in doing that.just keep her happy to some extent 🙂 Girls like talking to you and spending time .

Not Meant For Love

when i first saw you
i knew it was only you
instant connection
with no deliberation
we talked for a while
and i made you mine
but forgot to ask you
whether you love me too
though later you say
you love me so true
but i don’t know
my heart fails to get it
even though i want to
there’s little bit regret
did i rush into this?
cause, the way you talked endless
now its just minutes or less
did i do something wrong?
or you, somewhere else, belong?

you don’t speak much
and i got tired of asking you
though i used to
but you never answered
my ego is on the rise
do you really love me right?
is it just physical you seek?
i am not that girl,i am meek
so tell me,do you wish to go forward?
cause,already my time’s wasted
i don’t want to anymore
it would hurt me
more than you know
though i may act ignorant
but you won’t know
what lies in my heart
you never unearthed it
cause,you were too far
you weren’t interested
and i cried hard
why i even met you!
you only talked,when you were bored
where’s the respect,i deserve?
i am much more worth
you don’t realise
i was your first girl
but you aren’t treating her right
if you don’t change
she will go,to the place she is happier
she tried hard to make you come back
but you failed to realise her effort
you aren’t meant for love

Just for now

i get hurt
by that word,
when i know u won’t b there.

i am with u
fr the time,
 its the only moment i have.
i know what is in the future;
i know u just won’t b there.
u r afraid of them,i know.
yet u hv hopes fr me still,
but i know its not so…
coz its never gonna work!
maybe i love you too much,

to let you go now,
but i will shed tears when time comes.

 i will hide them,
you won’t know,
to bid you goodbye;
with a smile alone.
i will be happy wherever you are,
with whomever you want to,
coz i have the memories to live with.
cherishing them in my heart,
that i met & loved such a beautiful person!