Sail light

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“The boat will never sail,” I thought

how could it, when its laden heavily

the river’s wide, the fog is heavy

I can’t even see the banks on the other side

The water flowing is tumultuous

And my boat is flimsy like a feather

Life’s so long like the river

The boat is my soul

The bank is my end, but can I ever reach it?

Carrying the burdens with me,I can never sail

Let go of your worries, let go of the people who don’t matter

So many reasons you’ll find to leave them

You came here alone, must go alone

And sail through the storms of life victorious

Lighten your mind, lighten your boat

Only you can maneuver

Through this river alone

U for understanding & P for people

ImageWe all have that moment when we want people to understand us. We want them to realize the effort we put in, in understanding them. All this at the cost of not revealing anything to them. Our expectations relate to mind readers. Magically,somehow we want them to know what’s going on in our mind, what we feel and stuff like that.

Is this normal? Sometimes we feel its our right to expect all these things. We get angry, we get hurt, a twirl of emotions raging in our mind because of this simple fact. We expect our friend or lover to lend a shoulder when we are feeling low. We want others to analyze us in every way to know us because of the simple truth, that we don’t want to be blunt with them. Telling everything to them, “we want this, we don’t like it”, is like asking for attention all the time.

On a personal note,as a Piscean,considered as mysterious 😉 we just want to connect with that person,who can read our mind. :-D.This was too direct.I meant we just want that person to notice us,our body language,how we act.We may hide our feelings and won’t show it,but its proven worldwide,that  our body language speaks more.So I guess,its not tough to understand the other person,right? Only if we care enough to know that person. 🙂

On the other hand, it is abnormal too ,to expect things from people. Expectations only lead to heartbreak. Instead of waiting for people to read your mind, just be straightforward and tell everything. I know, some people will take this as emotionless- creature- behavior. How can you blurt out ?We should be considerate enough not to hurt that person. But to make them understand you ,its in the best interest to tell everything. Its all about how you present your views.

Personally I feel,we should tell them everything,whatever is plaguing us.And for that to happen,talking infront is the best option.Atleast through that way,we may see how they react to us.Talking over phone or texts,is a pretence.You never actually know what the other person is feeling . 😦

so many promises! 3

Time was flying away so fast,that she didn’t notice,it was already march.Farewell was coming round the corner and she was getting more depressed.She was a junior to him & knew it well,that he is going to leave the college this year.She has doubts whether their relationship will work or not.It was going to be a long distance one,now that he is graduating.Riya has two more years to go till she graduates.Already her friends have started teasing her about such a complicated relationship,but she dismissed their talks.

She heard from her senior friend that people can go to the farewell party as date.Riya expected him to ask her out.She was lost in her dream world, that’s when her phone buzzed.The text message was from him.

hey babe!wassup? 😉

Nothing much,just studying.You tell.

Oh!i have my hands in shit.This project is taking a lot of my time.I am stuck with the coding & have to submit this next week.Don’t know what to do! 😦

She sighed.It was the same.All the time,he talked about his work.She replied.

Don’t worry,you will come up with something.You always do. 🙂 Maybe you can rest for a while and then get back to your work.

Right!I will sleep for a while,then have dinner & get back to work.

Good!Sleep now sweetie :-* tc

tc,bye :-*

What started as daily continuous chatting was reduced to 15 minute chats nowadays.She was controlling her patience,always in an irritated mood.She kept the phone aside & concentrated into her studies.It was 2 am in the morning,and she was half expecting him to text her,but her phone was not buzzing.She felt like throwing the phone away,her anger was on the rise.He talked to her mostly at nights because in the college,he didn’t get time to talk to her or meet her,also he was afraid,lest anyone sees them together.Their relationship thrived on text messages.Tonight,she felt lonely.He didn’t text her.

Next morning,she saw him in the college.He didn’t seem to notice her or was he ignoring?She tried getting his attention.he walked past her without giving her any sign,that he acknowledged her presence.At night,he texted her.

Hi baby!what r u doin?

just thnkin abt u

oh yea!like? 😛

She knew he was talking in a dirty sense.She texted.

like u r sittin wd me nw & watchin a romantc mov

&?

then u hold my hand & caress it

&?

u pull me towrds u & hug me,kiss my forehead,& say u love me.

What?that’s it? :-O i wanted smthng else

right!U r 1 horny person.u knw wht u nly talk 2 me wen u r high or wanna tok dirty.rest of d tyms u hv ur ‘work’ or sm excuse.i m tired of ths shit.wht do u wnt frm me?tell me frnkly,is it just the non-conventional stuff u r lookin fr? :-O

y r u tokin lyk ths?u knw very well,i luv u

oh yea!its fake,jus sayin these 3 wrds,doesn’t solve nythng.i hv noticed ths,tht u reply fast wen u tok dirty or wnt to hv sex chat ,othr tyms il probly sleep while txtin u.isn  tht obvious,u wanna tok to me becoz u hv ur own intrsts to count fr.m tired.i wnt smbdy who will b thr wen m lonely,feelin unwell or sad.m alws thr fr u wen u need me.is tht too much 2 ask fr?

Riya was pissed off with him tonight & she demanded an apology.

riya!u r misundrstndin me.its nt lyk tht.

then wht is it lyk?huh?

ah!i cnt xpln,k fyn,i wont tok lyk tht,nw plz b happy.

She thought for a moment.In the past,he had made promises but never kept it.If he committed a mistake,just said a ‘sorry’ and then committed that mistake again.

u took me fr grntd,& u wil repeat ths agn,i knw it.i feel lyk brkin up wd u 😦 wen ws d last tym,u took me out?wen ws d last tym,u toked to me actually properly?

He knew it too.He never took her out,apart from the time when he took her out only to take her to his home.Just once they went out,as a proper outing.

dnt do ths 2 me! i luv u a lot.u promised me ul nvr lev me.didn i tld u frm befr tht i might nt b able to gv u time,coz m busy mostly.

yeah!nw tht u hv ths excuse,ul alws remain bzy evn tho u r free,if i cn remain awake 2 tok 2 u at nyt,y cnt u tok to me wen u r jus relaxin at hm,or watchin tv?& dnt u tok abt promises.doesn look good on ur mouth.

the fight continued & so was the deterioration to their already losing relationship.The end result came out was a mere apology from his side which she accepted meekly.But this time it was a harsh blow to her.She realised that she is losing interest in him & was scared that maybe she will never find love again,if they do breakup.She kept thinking about her options.

maybe I have high expectations.Oh no!i don’t have. I have seen other girls around me & the so called relationship they have wherein the boy does every bidding the girl makes.I don’t even have any sort of such crap.

Maybe our relationship is just pure lust.We are magnetic & that’s what works between us.No!i love him a lot.I get crazy if I don’t talk to him daily.

What about the future promises?marriage,kids?He brought this thing first.Will we ever reach to that point?I am a jerk.Seriously what i am talking about?Marriage,kids is a distant thing;I don’t even know whether we are meant for each other.But I can’t be in a casual relationship.I need a stable one which has a connected future.

Riya knew the answers,but is she being ignorant?Are they meant for each other or she is just forcing herself & him to continue this monotony?

remainder

everything was exquisite
delicious,tantalising
his lips on mine,i am numb
rhythmic assault,setting me on fire
i stop,what is this?
i need some air,too much hot
the emotions are so endearing

addiction of this kind is rare
i am the luckiest person
to have you
this isn’t fair
so many dreams we had woven
i blush when you spoke
so much love
i shouldn’t take
and now when i recall
i am speechless
tears trickle down my cheeks
where has the love gone?
where has he gone?
i wish i begged,another try if you can
answer was no,i held my head high
i agreed,i had my ego to protect
my loved ones suggested
move on babe
how can i,when i can’t even forget his name
months have passed, talking like an acquaintance
but when i have flashbacks
there’s no tear,
so much control on them,hiding the truth
i am living but not living my life

So called love!

love is such a feeling that you lose track of time,you don’t care what others think of you,you start distancing yourself from your loved ones to spend as much time possible with your Only one.


My personal opinion is love is just too much precious,too beautiful,too much exquisite that if a person finds love,he thinks he is the luckiest person alive on earth.he asks himself,”how can i be so lucky?how can i be so happy?Truly god can’t gift me all the beautiful things in this world.”But then there are people who go to heaven without finding their love. 😦 They pass away without experiencing that one special emotion.


I have been lucky enough to experience Love.When i found out ,i didn’t realise that this love will be unique,that even though i want to forget about him,i just can’t.When do you say you have found true love?When you crave for each others honesty,love,understanding & inner beauty.I know i got you confused.I don’t blame you.Everyone has their own definition.He had his own definition too.I asked him & trust me,i was impressed by his definition.It was pretty close to what i had in mind.:-)


We had our ups and downs,mostly because of me.When i saw other people around me,i wanted that kind of happiness from him.That started our quarrel. :-(.I used to write a diary & its full of such incidents.I wanted to gift my diary to him as a farewell gift,i promised myself that i will write all the nice & mushy things,but in turn,scribbled all the feelings & incidents that hurt me.At times,when i read it,i thought,” I can’t gift this.There’s too much shit in this.There’s hardly anything nice.”But other times,i felt he ought to know what troubled me.I did share some of my worst moments with close friends,but nothing could compare to actually breaking down in front him.I would like to mention the name of one of my friends,Divyarth ,who in spite of everything,listened to my boring talks 😛 & always said one thing,”don’t worry,things will turn out good”.He is the one who made sure that i didn’t make a rash decision.He told me things that made me realise that i should cherish the love & sort out differences with the person.But my life was about to take a twist.

We always had time issue,actually he had.So after much consideration,we decided to go on our 3rd outing in Delhi,in all these 4 and a half month relationship.It didn’t turn out the outing i expected,but it was good.My friends taught me one thing,”Don’t expect.”,so i was happy with the flow.But it was the last day i would see him.My parents found out about my life through that diary & i knew,i didn’t have any chance any left.That day changed the course of my life.i am repeating,only my life got changed. 😦

My parents were shocked that i dared falling in love with a guy totally out of my culture.They were more disturbed by the fact,that we started planning our future as well.But my mom said one thing,”What you have written in your diary shows you are serious,but your so called boyfriend doesn’t keep you happy.Are you sure you can spend the rest of your life with him?” i said yes,but trust me,throughout that week of interrogation,my parents realised that i am daring and am ready to stand up for him.Though in doing that,my freedoms got curbed.
But i felt,that maybe my parents are right.why should i stand up for a person who can’t stand up for me,who doesn’t have the courage to even praise me in front everyone else?My life now is limited to home,can’t meet or talk to friends even.But i am sure his life is still going smoothly.my bad luck! his good luck! hmmn :-\

I don’t know but my love was different.If someone asks me did i love him?i will always say yes & did hope to carry this forward but alas!!! 😦 In spite of everything,i still believe in love & its beauty & would pray that everyone falls in love at least once in their life.If your love stays,you are indeed luckiest,if it doesn’t,then just think that you deserve better.
PS:for you girls,don’t sacrifice too much for your love if he can’t do for you too.you will just get hurt later on.
guys!every girl wants to be treated like a princess,but don’t spoil her in doing that.just keep her happy to some extent 🙂 Girls like talking to you and spending time .

Not Meant For Love

when i first saw you
i knew it was only you
instant connection
with no deliberation
we talked for a while
and i made you mine
but forgot to ask you
whether you love me too
though later you say
you love me so true
but i don’t know
my heart fails to get it
even though i want to
there’s little bit regret
did i rush into this?
cause, the way you talked endless
now its just minutes or less
did i do something wrong?
or you, somewhere else, belong?

you don’t speak much
and i got tired of asking you
though i used to
but you never answered
my ego is on the rise
do you really love me right?
is it just physical you seek?
i am not that girl,i am meek
so tell me,do you wish to go forward?
cause,already my time’s wasted
i don’t want to anymore
it would hurt me
more than you know
though i may act ignorant
but you won’t know
what lies in my heart
you never unearthed it
cause,you were too far
you weren’t interested
and i cried hard
why i even met you!
you only talked,when you were bored
where’s the respect,i deserve?
i am much more worth
you don’t realise
i was your first girl
but you aren’t treating her right
if you don’t change
she will go,to the place she is happier
she tried hard to make you come back
but you failed to realise her effort
you aren’t meant for love

Just for now

i get hurt
by that word,
when i know u won’t b there.

i am with u
fr the time,
 its the only moment i have.
i know what is in the future;
i know u just won’t b there.
u r afraid of them,i know.
yet u hv hopes fr me still,
but i know its not so…
coz its never gonna work!
maybe i love you too much,

to let you go now,
but i will shed tears when time comes.

 i will hide them,
you won’t know,
to bid you goodbye;
with a smile alone.
i will be happy wherever you are,
with whomever you want to,
coz i have the memories to live with.
cherishing them in my heart,
that i met & loved such a beautiful person!